Distract.

I know all about distractions at present. With the big move looming, I take anything and everything to distract my attention. Mostly the internet in it's various incarnations and forms, occassionaly films and TV shows, hours of music and repeated songs. And today I fixed up my £10 ukulele so I can distract myself with that as well. It's beautifully crap, as am I at playing it. I will get the hang of it again, eventually!

Shower.

I sometimes hate the rain. Sometimes I love it though. I love those soft showers when it's hot, or when it hasn't rained for weeks. And I love that heavy, driving rain, when it shows up just as you need that refreshing outburst. Or car journeys at night in the rain. It feels so atmospheric. When I was little, I'd picture people outside in the rain, or running along the curb alongside the car. Soggy characters operating under my whim. I haven't been out in the rain for some time. I hope one of those moods strikes, soon. And the showers coincide.

Logical.

Logic makes me think of Vulcans. This is an occupational hazzard of being a long term Trekkie. I do love Star Trek. Much to the dismay of my fellows, I'm more partial to The Next Generation than the Original Series, but that's only 'cause I grew up with the former. I'm a fairly avid convention goer, but Star Trek isn't my true love. That's Doctor Who, closely followed by Buffy, Trek only follows that. There's certainly nothing logical about that, but I do like logic, too.

Knot.

Everyday I tie a knot in a piece of checkered shoe lace round my wrist, and everynight, before I clamber into bed, I wrestle it apart again with my teeth. It's one of eight bracelets wrapped around my left arm throughout the day, each of which means something to me, and lead me to someone crucial in my life. A few weeks ago I went a few days without wearing any of them, and it wasn't long before my wrist started to throb with pain. This probably means they've changed it, some would say damaged it, over time. But I'd rather wear these for the rest of my life than fix whatever harm they've done and detach myself from memories.

Wanted.

We all want to be wanted. But most of us just want to be wanted by anything from one to a handful of people throughout our lives. There are those people who want to be wanted by something bigger, a government, a god, whatever, something that pushes them to do great or terrible things. It's strange, how so often, when we're in love, or lusting, that we say we want someone, yet often we also want to be wanted by that person. I suppose the same goes for friendship. It seems all levels of relationship people have with one another are based on different balances of want. I'm pretty sure all of us have at some point felt that feeling of want so strong that it actually turns your stomach sick. Anyone who says they do not want to be wanted isn't to be trusted.

Anxious.

I know anxious well at the moment. University, mostly. I start in less than 3 weeks. Shit me. That's really not long at all is it? I have some stuff, but I don't know if it's enough. The real killer is parting with so many books, and my bass. I just can't take these things with me. Not to ignore parting with friends, leaving on in Manchester on the other side of the penines, and waving one off to Falmouth, something bizarre like 400 miles away. But it'll be worth it. In all this fear and all these practicalities, I have to remind myself I'm going there to learn, and to learn about something I love. It'll be alright on the night.

Africa.

The luminous continent, Bob Geldof called it once. I know it might seem toe curling to think of Geldof when I think of Africa, but it's not how it seems. I don't think about his aid projects or political battles to save the place, I think about his more recent writings of it as a beautiful place with amazing people, of such different and many varied cultures, together. And it makes me want to visit. But such a continent, su huge, where to begin? I'd like to speak to every person there, to here their story, so different as it likely will be to my own, but also how similar their feelings. To me, Africa is forever the luminous continent. That, and the aweful song by Toto. Abysmal.